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Enjoy!

If I could really love you, I wouldn’t have to hide it.
If I could really love you, I wouldn’t need to suffer like this
Because each and every day that I’m not with you is depriving me of oxygen, depriving me of water, depriving me of shelter, food.
If I could really love you, things wouldn’t be this way.
We could go on dates and hold hands and stare into each other’s eyes.
We could get married and have a family.
Children really aren’t my thing, I’ll be honest, but I know you’d make a great parent.
So, first-hand, I want to know what that’s like.
We could have our happily ever after.
But the tide came in and swept everything away.
There’s nothing left in sight.
That dreadful, awful thing took everything away from us.
I did my best and did everything I could to stop it, but my best wasn’t enough.
I let you down.
I let us down.
So, now you look at me like a stranger, someone you never knew.
You treat me like I kicked your dog and called your mom out’ her name.
I didn’t do any of those things. Honestly!
I would never do anything to hurt you, but inevitably, I did.
I let the tide come in and sweep away our happiness.
The one thing you wanted, I couldn’t give to you.
In fact, I tried to keep it from you to save us, to protect us, to protect you, but in the end, my actions did the opposite.
Now, when I look at you with Cupid’s arrow in my back and hearts in my eyes, you look at me with a knife in your chest and seething eyes.
I didn’t mean to put it there! I promise!
But you know what?
I’d do it all again if I had to.
Yes, that sounds crazy.
All I’m saying is that I’d save and protect you from the rising and falling sea once again, but all you hear is that I’d deceive you again.
And that’s not true!
It just seems that way.
Really! That’s not what it was, and as soon as you can open your eyes and see, we can go back to where we left off.
At least that’s what I tell myself every day and every night when I think about you, when I see your handsome, disgruntled face.
But we both know.
I really know.
The waves will come and go as they please.
The sea will do as it wishes, and there is nothing, with all of my strength and all of my might, that I can do to stop it.
So, in all honesty, this love was doomed from the start.

If only you were real.
Sometimes I think you are.
Other times, I think I’m just fooling myself.
Late nights in the dark under the covers,
Sweating from the intensity,
I find myself tangled in you.
My sweet,
Is this the only time I can call you mine?
Sweet sorrow!
Pleasurable pain!
What must I do to get next to you?
In real time,
I just want to make you mine.
Those two worlds, though, seem to never cross over.
The darkness,
The light.
The dream,
The reality.
No, no, no!
That can’t be right
Because what I’m feeling can’t be false.
Never in a million light-years.
PLEASE!
This is the very thing,
The very intoxicating thing,
I’ve been waiting for my whole life.
PLEASE!
Come to me in the day,
Not just the night,
In eye’s view,
Not out of sight.
The others think I’m making you up.
A figment of my imagination, they say.
Oh, please…
Why are you hiding from me?
Or … am I really dreaming?

I watch you walk hand in hand with the devil and say, “Oh, that’s so cute!”
But it’s not.
I watch you dance with the devil, then clap, clap, cheer, cheer!
But I’d rather not.
I watch you waiting for the devil at the end of the aisle and pretend to cry tears of joy.
But joyful I am not.
Before the devil even existed, it was just you and me.
You and I.
Walking hand in hand, dancing ‘til our feet gave out.
Twinkle toes, they called us and cooed!
Late night, we placed our backs on damp grass, stared at falling stars and made wishes, chatting all night, hands clasped together as if we’d drift apart if we did not.
But you never quite looked at me the way I looked at you, touched me the way I touched you, thought of me the way you thought of you.
Never once let those three little words slip from your mouth as I had, but you told the devil, didn’t you?
Oh, yes, you did. You told them once, twice, even thrice.
How awful! And the devil knew, so they rubbed it in with salt and dirt, grinning of triumph and hatred as they whispered sweet nothings to you.
Touch after touch, kiss after kiss, torture after torture, content as can be, they bear their teeth at me, without you ever noticing. My pain, my love—for you, and only you.
Dance, dance, dance! Dance, dance, dance!
Everyone’s joining in now.
Dance, dance, dance! Dance, dance, dance!
Their feet are pounding on my corpse. Perhaps if they stomp hard enough, it’ll revive my heart.
Dance, dance, dance! Dance, dance, dance!
Come one, come all! Let’s dance on my beatless heart. The devil wills it so! Dance, dance, dance!
But I stand and be still and watch as you dance without me one last time.
You flash a smile, filling me with hope and what ifs, thinking that maybe—just maybe—you see me. Finally, see me!
But then, the devil bears their teeth at me yet again.
I turn away, no longer able to watch you dance off into hell’s sunset and pretend anymore.
Face exposed to God, I wail and let the tears fall from my eyes, asking for pity and forgiveness for falling for something, someone who could never be mine.

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